I noticed a few Doctor Who TARDIS products over on ThinkGeek and decided to take a closer look. I haven’t watched Doctor Who but from what I have seen it seems to have low-production values. It looks cheap. That said, it must be quite entertaining because it has a huge fan base and the time travelling TARDIS has become an iconic image, practically a symbol of Britishness. Anyway, lets take a look at the kind of TARDIS products that are on offer!
If you are looking for TARDIS T-Shirts or Doctor Who t-shirts you won’t find them here. Doctor Who is extremely popular and new shirts are produced all the time and I think they deserve a list of their own.
Luckily such a list already exists! You can find tons of Doctor Who t-shirts on the Shirt List.
Doctor Who TARDIS Talking Cookie Jar
A cookie jar. Why not? It’s the right shape and might look cute in the kitchen. Despite what they say on ThinkGeek and unlike the real fictional TARDIS from Doctor Who, it is not bigger on the inside.
The comments are hilarious. I think I will just have to post another few so you can get a taste of the Doctor Who fan mindset.
Anyway, the thing costs $25.99, makes authentic TARDIS sound effects and it is up to you whether you put cookies in it or not.
DOCTOR WHO Tardis Design Jacket for Dogs
Buying a jacket for your dog? This one is $65.
Square mugs would be convenient for storage and stacking on shelves perhaps but really? See that guy in the photo? If he were really drinking a beverage it would be already all over his shirt. Ridiculous! You would have to be an idiot to subject yourself to this piece of crap.
On the other hand, you could use it to store cookies because your TARDIS cookie jar is already occupied by Timmy monkey doll. It would normally cost $19.99 but for some reason I can’t fathom, it is out of stock. Warehouse accident?
Whovian Tardis Blueprints Leggings
$64.99. Only one available. Hot girl I imagine. Only reason I posted this fake really.
Doctor Who TARDIS Inspired Tie
But they do have a certain charm. $24
Heat Changing TARDIS Mug
This is pretty cool really. I haven’t really watched Doctor Who but from my understanding, the TARDIS is a time machine that can suddenly appear out of nowhere…like the image of the TARDIS on this mug. It’s fantastic. Your six-year old will love it!
This 12oz porcelain mug costs $10.99.
Doctor Who 16oz Travel Mug
Yeah. Why not. it’ll look good beside your My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic lunchbox. $11.99 16oz (on the inside) travel mug. Just be sure not to travel too far.
Doctor Who TARDIS Teapot
Whoever thought of this idea, the TARDIS tea pot really caught the essence of the typical Doctor Who fan. (I’m being sarcastic but really, I don’t know any Doctor Who fans so perhaps they did?)
$34.99. Dishwasher and microwave safe. That’s right. You can put it in your microwave. You might want to do a bit of research on the internet on how to make a pot of tea first though. I have a feeling that it is only on rare occasions that one might need to place it in the microwave.
Doctor Who TARDIS String Lights
9 feet long (about 3 meters for the imperially challenged) and costs about $19.99. 10 lights.
Doctor Who Levitating TARDIS
This piece of crap sets you back $49.99 and serves no useful purpose. None.
Doctor Who TARDIS 4 Port USB Hub
I go for a more subtle approach when choosing a USB hub but you know, it kind of works. It’s functional and doesn’t look all that bad. Oh, let’s get back to “it kind of works”. From the comments, it seems that is not a very good USB hub. Add that to the fact that it doesn’t actually travel through time and isn’t bigger on the inside and I think what you have here is semi-useless (mostly useless?) crap.
I have one of these, and it’s definitely cool (I love how it makes light and sound effects when I plug something in), but it’s a pretty terrible USB hub. Not very fast, and some more advanced devices (i.e. webcam) won’t work with it at all. Just fair warning. – Michael Dunn (Las Vegas, Nevada)
$29.99 non-powered huge USB hub.
Doctor Who Ceramic TARDIS Bank
Let me sum up Doctor Who humor in one line: is it bigger on the inside?
Fuck me! $29.99.
Doctor Who TARDIS Table Lamp
Despite being an electric lamp you need 3 AAA batteries for the sound effects to work. And it’s ugly. And almost $50.
Doctor Who TARDIS Book Light
I think it would look pretty good without the TARDIS on top of it. Oh, and sorry there is more to Doctor Who humor than “is it bigger on the inside”.
$15.99 doesn’t seem to unreasonable and it has the UV pen for the kiddies to write their secret code with.
Doctor Who Bathrobes
It’s a nice looking bathrobe. Watch out for the fuzz though!
When you get it, wash it first or it’ll leave blue fuzz on you. – James Morrissette (Dover, New Hampshire)
Do people still wear bathrobes? This one is $69.99.
Doctor Who TARDIS Night Light
Not bad. It’s a nightlight so I assume it is for small kids. $14.99
Doctor Who Wind-Ups
I watched the video part way through and I think I got my money’s worth right there. No need for an actual purchase. Try it!
But if you must, they are $9.99 each!
Doctor Who Cell Phone Alert Charms
I don’t remember the last phone I had that even had a place to hang a charm. Actually I do but I am trying to block it from memory. This thing is like a miniature fucking snow-globe that you carry with you at all times.
But it does have a function. It will spin and light up when you get a phone call on your 800 – 1600 MHz GSM network cell phones. But I already have this thing that lights up and makes a noise and shows me a pic of the person calling me when my phone rings. Oh yeah! My phone. I don’t need this superfluous garbage in my pocket scratching my phone. Guess it doesn’t matter anyway because this piece of shit doesn’t work with 3G networks, if I am not mistaken.
Doctor Who Sticky Notes
I like them. In the right hands they might not seem so silly. $5.99.
Doctor Who TARDIS Mini Safe
If someone wanted to get in they would but it might work for a certain demographic I guess. Needs batteries for the lights and shit and is a bit pricey at $39.99.
Doctor Who TARDIS Water Bottle
What can I say? I would actually like this. Except from the comments it seems the white paint just melts off.